Tuesday, April 1, 2008
US Sen Jim Inhofe to switch parties.
UPSTATE VERMONT (AP) -- U.S. Senator James Inhofe (R-Okla), famous for his hardline conservative stances on issues ranging from global warming to welfare to foreign policy, has announced plans to switch to the Green Party.
The announcement came after the senator became separated from his NAFTA advisory committee group while touring the Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream factory. The tour was part of a fact-finding mission concerning a new dairy treaty with Canada, aides to the senator report. Inhofe was not found until several hours after the joint Senate-House bus had left. A security officer closing the plant down found the 71-year-old senator barefoot in Jerry Greenfield's office, reading the ice cream maven's literature.
"It was at that point that the senator slowly came to the realization that he was wrong all these years," said Inhofe's new press secretary and musical adviser, Trey Anastasio. "Like really, really wrong, man."
Inhofe then renounced his conservative ideals, and decided to devote the rest of his career toward Green ideals, Anastasio said. Inhofe immediately sold his house and moved into a smaller, carbon-neutral cabin on the Oklahoma / Arkansas border. He is also pushing for the Capitol building to either convert to off-grid solar power, or only operate during daylight hours, with the window shades open, Anastasio added. Another acceptable alternative was to hold Senate business outside "on nice days," he said.
"After all these years, the blinders came off from my eyes," Inhofe told reporters while sitting cross-legged under a tree on the Washington mall. "I devoted my life to fighting what I saw as a creeping liberal threat upon America -- Communists, gays, evolution, environmentalists, and the weather channel. Now I know, though, that we should all be free to be, like..."
Inhofe did not finish his thought, becoming distracted by a close-flying butterfly.
"We should all try to be more like that butterfly," Inhofe added. He did not clarify to reporters what that statement meant.
Republican senators insist that they are not concerned about the shift in balance Inhofe's defection to the Green Party may mean.
"I think it's just a phase, really," said Republican presidential candidate John McCain (R-Ariz.). "He'll grow out of it the first time he has to ride a bicycle to the senate building in the driving rain."
One senator, though, was more concerned.
"I'm really fearful about this, said Dr. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) "Jim just hasn't been the same. All he does is sit in his office with the door closed, listening to Phish and blogging.
"I also don't know when's the last time he washed his hair," Coburn added.